News just in

Finally mustered myself to have my beta checked and the result just in is 1464. So I guess I’m pregnant!!

Still no bleeding and my norks are growing at an alarming rate. And somewhat lopsidedly, I must add. If they keep on doing this I’ll be walking around in circles!

Scan next week, booking into Obstetrician and hospital. Gee it must be real.

And some day soon I’ll post a retrospective on the crazy symptoms of my TWW.

What now?

Sorry for the lack of posting over the last two weeks, but to be frank I have been completely paralysed with superstition. And nervousness.

So what happened? I spent most of my time trawling through others’ blogs looking for various signs and symptoms of early pregnancy before pregnancy has even really occurred. Basically what I was after was someone who has had the same symptoms as me… and then a BFP at the end of it. And then an ongoing pregnancy. And then a bouncing baby…

I have also been running around like a blue ar$ed fly covering for three colleagues who are currently “working” at a conference. As I really had little idea of exactly what their roles involved, my head has been spinning faster and faster…..which you think would make the TWW faster or easier or less painful or something! But no, it felt just as slow and excruciating as previously.

In between these two rather strenuous activities I was injected twice with BHCG to help the luteal phase with the last one being 1 week ago now. And no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t inject myself – fortunately Ms Gin is a willing accomplice, and I have a trusty nurse neighbour who gladly jabbed me (after politely putting down her wine glass first…)

And so now, at D15PO and some light spotting on D11, this is what we found:

Faint, but there. And now for the really crazy bit. I am petrified to get a blood test, out of fear that it will be a low beta, as per last time. I won’t even POAS just in case it appears lighter than before. In fact, Ms Gin had to really bend my arm to P on that one. I am kind of in this make believe land of “if I don’t know for sure, I can pretend that all is well”, and that is kinda nice. Although screws with my head.

Last time I started spotting about 4 days after my period was due. So based on no real logic at all, I have decided that I will get the test at the end of the week way after AF should have appeared. Or earlier should I get hassled by the nurses at the clinic.

Symptom wise, I feel really quite normal, but in a new improved kind of way. Not tired, no pains, maybe just a titch occasionally nauseated if I really concentrate, and, despite being completely paranoid that I’ll have another “biochemical pregnancy”, I feel quite calm and chill. The most noticeable things are my perky puppies! And to think I had just bought new bras. I feel like my cups already runneth over. Not particularly sore, just there. And almost encroaching upon my peripheral vision.

So until the end of the week….

Donor do donor don’t

Shroedinger peeped up at my last post to ask about how much Mr Magoo knows about Mr Muscles being his donor, and how much we plan to share. We decided from early on, over one of many wine/pink champagne/mojito fuelled evenings that we would be really upfront with him. He’s only just 2 now, but I’ve already started telling him that Mr Muscles is the one who gave Ms Gin a special seed to help make him. He often replies with a very knowing “uh..”, as if the whole birds and the bees thing is old hat to him. We always figured that being upfront was the easy option for us – at least we can keep the story consistent and won’t confuse ourselves. Mr Muscles is fine with that approach. He lives in another city (90minute flight or 8hr drive) so we only see him once every couple of months or so. We still don’t know what to refer to him as, but tend to just use his first name, and this seems to work at the moment. I guess we’ll cross the whole Dad thing in a few years, but neither of us are too hung up on labels or defined roles so I expect we will sort it out with not too many dramas. We are very very very lucky to have such a laid back arrangement and to all feel secure with it. I have never once felt in any way threatened by having our known donor but this is just as much a result of his approach as my own outlook.

Back to Schroe’s questions…..close friends of ours have twin boys two years older than Mr Magoo, and they are finding that, as the lads head out to the big wide, mostly straight, world of kindergarten, they are getting more questions about dads and so on. So I reckon we will have the same issues coming up soon. Personally I wouldn’t feel comfortable not telling the whole truth once asked- and it might make for a messy 18th birthday party otherwise! And saying it over and over again makes it easier and more “this is just the way it is” each time.

We’re lucky in that we have a great mix of both straight and lesbian friends with kids, so Mr Magoo is exposed to all kinds of families. It probably helps that we live in lesboville, right next to sociallyleftwingedmybestfriendisgayville. SO we really are just another family on the block. Albeit with a much fairer division of domestic labour and childcare arrangements.

Swim, little ones, swim

Well, the fertility gods accepted my credit card….and even better than that, told me I was actually in credit! Enough to cover the cost of this cycle and a bit. Not quite sure how this happened but won’t be questioning it too much. The very sweet woman in accounts even offered to send me a cheque with the difference – gotta love her positivity. If only it were so easy……..

On Saturday night we went along to the local Winter solstice bonfire celebration. Us and three thousand of our closest friends, that is. The bonfire was as huge as the queues and I only mistook Mr Magoo for someone else’s child once. Quite incredible considering the hundreds of them running around in the dark. So I shook my ovaries at the bonfire, breathed in some pagan fertility goodness, topped it off with a bag of popcorn and then rushed back to the car to let a rather mulled wine affected Ms Gin give me my trigger injection.

The winter solstice bonfire...and all our friends

The IUI was yesterday and was a rather pleasant experience overall. My usual doc was away, but the fill in was fabulous. She even had mood lighting. Some Barry White and a red rose and who knows what could have happened. And I am sure that the scientist goes to our book club – nice to keep it all in the family.

So here I sit with 16 million + sperm on a great race around my innards. Surely one of them should be able to find the egg?? Fortunately I am crazy busy over the next few weeks so hopefully the TWW will fly by. I’m trying to relax, meditate, chomp on the folate and resist the urge to crack open another bottle of red.

In other news, we recently jetted off to Sydney as I had a conference to go to and insisted on taking the whole family. Our KD, Mr Muscles,  lives up there and it is always a laugh to catch up with him and see what his latest exploits are. He is always quite chuffed to see Mr Magoo and it’s great to see the two interact. Despite seeing him only  a few times a year, Mr Magoo seems to have a real affinity for him. And Mr Muscles is secretly chuffed to see him. He also told us we were super mums (how easily a man can be impressed with impromptu swift changing of a dirty diaper). It’s nice to know he thinks we’re doing a good job with his genes. Speaking of gene, we also noticed Mr Magoo has several of Mr Muscle’s mannerisms and postures. Freaky. Isn’t it funny what genes can do?

Back on the horse

Wow. 2 months have passed. So many posts in my head and none on paper. An update on the last 2 months to follow.

Just wanted to let all you blog folks out there know that I’ve been keeping up with all the good news. Just haven’t had the head space to comment.

As for me……..well am happy, excited, petrified to say that I’m back on that ol’ horse and this is CD 9. So trying next week should the fertility gods accept my credit card …..

Will keep you all posted – now back to those last few glasses of Shiraz. There may be another drought coming.

Shameless self tagging!

Have just been perusing blog land and found an open invitation to be tagged. So I’m it! Keeping to one word is quite a challenge but here ‘ goes.

Hair: tousled

Your Mother: talkative

Your Father: knowing

Fav Food: crunchy

Dream Last Night: hmmmm

Fav Drink: sparkling

What room are you in?: loungeroom

Hobby: procrastination

Fear: failure

Where were you last night?: Pub

Something that you aren’t: pregnant

Muffins: please

Wish List Item: holiday

Where you grew up: Adelaide

What you are wearing: comfy

Your Pet: snoring

Friends: many

Something you’re not wearing: suspenders

Fav Store: Obüs

Fav Color: chartreuse

Last time you laughed: tonight

Your Best Friend: meditates

Best Place you go over and over: gallery

Person who you email regularly: secretary

Fav Place to Eat: Maha

So thanks to Bionic Mamas for the open invitation. May I extend it to anyone out there!

Date night

Miss Gin and I went on a wonderful date last night. I picked her up after work and we headed straight off to our favourite pub – a dimly lit, wobbly floorboards, sticky carpet, indie music, tattooed bar mistresses kind of place. A few cleansing ales and cheap and simple pub food later it felt as if we were back in our courting days. Oh for those courting days. Days of carefree comings and goings, waking with the birds, morning, afternoon and evening romps…

When we were pregnant with Mr Magoo a wise friend told me to make sure we looked after ourselves and nurture our relationship after he arrived. Sure, sure, sure, no worries, of course, thought I. Enter Mr Magoo, and slowly, well quickly, there was a completely different focus and distraction to our relationship. An energy zapper, a sleep stealer, a libido lancer, and all whilst being incredibly adorable, cute and a bit mischievous! We let ourselves slip a bit. It happens all too easily, while your back is turned as you change yet another nappy and whilst your eyes are just little slits due to lack of sleep. Suddenly the connection you once had is frayed. It is only now that we seem to be getting “us” back. To all of you TTC or happily gestating out there, take my friend’s advice – your family is all too special not to.

Last night was really “wow”. I had forgotten just how much fun the two of us can have. I love Mr Magoo dearly, but without Miss Gin he wouldn’t be here and we wouldn’t be the family we are. So, from this day forth, date-night is going to be a regular, booked in event. Nothing too fancy, just a slow tour around all of our favourite pubs – and in this part of Melbourne there are plenty to keep us going. And most of them have tattooed bar mistresses!!!

Oh so lucky!

To be honest I have been a bit down in the doldrums with having to delay the TTC plans. But today I realised just how very lucky I am. Mama to an adorable 2yo and wife to an equally adorable (with many fewer tantrums) wife. I really am so very lucky. And it all occurred to me in the strangest of places – whilst watching Mr Magoo roar with the lions at the Zoo. His very manly 2yo roar is enough to lift anyone’s spirits. We had a great Mama and Mr M bike ride to get to the Zoo, fulfilling all requirements of seeing trams, trains and diggers. Lugging his 16kg up the hills on the back of my bike is a mean feat but he is very helpful – pushing my butt saying “go mama, go!”. There was a price to pay though – he did pull down my trousers low enough at one point to expose my builder’s butt to all and sundry. All to rapturous and somewhat mischievous giggles!

What’s more, I finally went for that run. A perfect crisp Autumn day, and not a bad view either.

Unfortunately you can’t hear the bell birds whistling. I had forgotten how much I loved running along this track. (Love may be too strong a word, but I am going with it for the moment!)

And here are a few other photo updates from what ended up being a perfect Easter weekend.

We bought Miss Gin some Easter flowers from the market. Mr Magoo chose them himself.

Easter morning and after squeals of joy at what the Easter bunny had hidden in the garden Mr M took more delight at the unwrapping than the eating! Easy to see he has none of my genes! Needless to say, his Mums have well and truly taken care of all the naked chocolates…

..

And to make up for said chocolate consumption, many meals of legumes were feasted upon. Above is the tasty Chick Pea bake loosely based on a dish from a local favourite – The Moroccan Soup Bar. Although they use loads more butter and give it a much fancier name.

I would have put in a photo of my infamous lentil bolognese – but although a taste sensation it is not so photogenic and has more than once been confused with something the cat may have eaten the night before.

Thus ends the holiday weekend.

I should be running

Today marks the start of my “daily run for conception”. A good mate of mine spent ages TTC, took up running and bingo,  a baby. So, seeing it worked for her, I have adopted it as my new approach to the TTC treading water time. I was going to start a few days ago, but, with one thing and another, I still haven’t started. And now it’s late, and I NEED to blog, and it’s dark outside, and the the dog is already asleep…..and do I need any more excuses?? Promise I’ll go tomorrow. First thing.

In the meantime, any other suggestions on how I can maximise my TTC chances (and distract myself from the boredom of waiting?). And please don’t mention kicking the coffee habit or cutting back on chocolate  – I have just eaten Mr Magoo’s chocolate bunny… I am truly a lost cause.

Oh what a month!

How quickly a month flies by! So what’s happened??

• Mr Magoo turned 2 – and declared ” no more kisses mummy, big boy now”. Fortunately cuddles are still ok.
• I turned, eek, 37. Looks mighty scary when written down…….just keep getting closer to menopause and further from menarche.
• We have made way too many novelty birthday cakes – pink fluffy poodle for me (no marshmallows were injured in the making of the cake), and a big blue airplane for Mr Magoo, as per request.
• Had a visit from Mr Muscles (our known donor) and his lovely BF Mr Copacobana. Both wanting to know when we were going to TTC again. August still seems such a long way away! But its great to know that he is still keen. We had been using a combination of clinic IUI and dodgy hotel self insemination, whatever seemed to be easier that particular month. He seems happy to continue to play it by ear and continues to approach the whole uncomfortable process with a humourous air. Favourite quote – ” don’t worry, it’s not an imposition, it’s just like spitting”. Hmmm.
• Have been completely festivaled out – there’s been the Food and Wine Festival, the Queer Film Festival, Fashion Week and now the Comedy Festival. Not to mention I’ve seen two fabulous contemporary dance productions. No wonder there has been no time to blog.
• And all of a sudden it’s Easter. Autumn is here and with it comes crisp mornings, hot air balloons in the sky and new season’s apples! The markets are still in force – it’s great to see the change in seasons through the changing produce.

Happy Easter to you all. And good luck to all of you TTC out there. Hope to join you again sometime soon.