Donor do donor don’t

Shroedinger peeped up at my last post to ask about how much Mr Magoo knows about Mr Muscles being his donor, and how much we plan to share. We decided from early on, over one of many wine/pink champagne/mojito fuelled evenings that we would be really upfront with him. He’s only just 2 now, but I’ve already started telling him that Mr Muscles is the one who gave Ms Gin a special seed to help make him. He often replies with a very knowing “uh..”, as if the whole birds and the bees thing is old hat to him. We always figured that being upfront was the easy option for us – at least we can keep the story consistent and won’t confuse ourselves. Mr Muscles is fine with that approach. He lives in another city (90minute flight or 8hr drive) so we only see him once every couple of months or so. We still don’t know what to refer to him as, but tend to just use his first name, and this seems to work at the moment. I guess we’ll cross the whole Dad thing in a few years, but neither of us are too hung up on labels or defined roles so I expect we will sort it out with not too many dramas. We are very very very lucky to have such a laid back arrangement and to all feel secure with it. I have never once felt in any way threatened by having our known donor but this is just as much a result of his approach as my own outlook.

Back to Schroe’s questions…..close friends of ours have twin boys two years older than Mr Magoo, and they are finding that, as the lads head out to the big wide, mostly straight, world of kindergarten, they are getting more questions about dads and so on. So I reckon we will have the same issues coming up soon. Personally I wouldn’t feel comfortable not telling the whole truth once asked- and it might make for a messy 18th birthday party otherwise! And saying it over and over again makes it easier and more “this is just the way it is” each time.

We’re lucky in that we have a great mix of both straight and lesbian friends with kids, so Mr Magoo is exposed to all kinds of families. It probably helps that we live in lesboville, right next to sociallyleftwingedmybestfriendisgayville. SO we really are just another family on the block. Albeit with a much fairer division of domestic labour and childcare arrangements.


One response to “Donor do donor don’t

  1. i am delurking myself to say — thanks for this post! We have a known donor too and while we dont have a baby yet, we have certainly been talking about these issues/ideas for a long time. Our donor lives across the country so we only see him ever few months as well. We are planning to move back to CA at some point and hope that he and the child will have a relationship, whatever form it takes.

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