What now?

Sorry for the lack of posting over the last two weeks, but to be frank I have been completely paralysed with superstition. And nervousness.

So what happened? I spent most of my time trawling through others’ blogs looking for various signs and symptoms of early pregnancy before pregnancy has even really occurred. Basically what I was after was someone who has had the same symptoms as me… and then a BFP at the end of it. And then an ongoing pregnancy. And then a bouncing baby…

I have also been running around like a blue ar$ed fly covering for three colleagues who are currently “working” at a conference. As I really had little idea of exactly what their roles involved, my head has been spinning faster and faster…..which you think would make the TWW faster or easier or less painful or something! But no, it felt just as slow and excruciating as previously.

In between these two rather strenuous activities I was injected twice with BHCG to help the luteal phase with the last one being 1 week ago now. And no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t inject myself – fortunately Ms Gin is a willing accomplice, and I have a trusty nurse neighbour who gladly jabbed me (after politely putting down her wine glass first…)

And so now, at D15PO and some light spotting on D11, this is what we found:

Faint, but there. And now for the really crazy bit. I am petrified to get a blood test, out of fear that it will be a low beta, as per last time. I won’t even POAS just in case it appears lighter than before. In fact, Ms Gin had to really bend my arm to P on that one. I am kind of in this make believe land of “if I don’t know for sure, I can pretend that all is well”, and that is kinda nice. Although screws with my head.

Last time I started spotting about 4 days after my period was due. So based on no real logic at all, I have decided that I will get the test at the end of the week way after AF should have appeared. Or earlier should I get hassled by the nurses at the clinic.

Symptom wise, I feel really quite normal, but in a new improved kind of way. Not tired, no pains, maybe just a titch occasionally nauseated if I really concentrate, and, despite being completely paranoid that I’ll have another “biochemical pregnancy”, I feel quite calm and chill. The most noticeable things are my perky puppies! And to think I had just bought new bras. I feel like my cups already runneth over. Not particularly sore, just there. And almost encroaching upon my peripheral vision.

So until the end of the week….

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3 responses to “What now?

  1. SO HAPPY FOR YOU!! Your experience mirrored my own (I also had that g/d chemical pregnancy thing which is a total mindf*ck). Hold off testing if it makes you feel better but you are totally pregnant as of NOW, so hooray!

  2. YEAH! Thats so exciting..I totally get your hestiation. Even after 2 betas we kept saying “cautiously optimistic”…..but the second line is a GOOD indicator!

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